For most of us Christmas is an emotional and often the loneliest time of year.
If this is your first Christmas since your break-up, it will be especially hard. All the usual Christmas activities will be now complicated by the question of who does what when, and with whom. Where do the kids go, when, and with whom? And then there is the driving, scheduling, relatives and awkward questions. Your ex is not going to stop being who they are. It will make you just want to stay home in bed with the covers held firmly over your head!
You will either miss your family or wish you did not have to see them. There is pain in your heart, underlying every day; Christmas makes it all worse. What to do?
The first strategy is to be as realistic as possible about what you really can accomplish. Can you bring cookies for all the teachers, attend all the school events, work, go to all the work staff parties, participate in client appreciation activities, do laundry, cook and all the things you have usually done? What about paring down to essentials? Take a sabbatical?
You could develop a script about what you want and do not want to share with curious relatives. This way you keep your deep sharing for those closest to you. The rest don’t need all the details. At the same time there may be some surprises as people step forward to support you.
There may not be as much money this year, and you will have to cut back on your spending or get into debt. Debt creates a whole different kind of stress in your life. What if this year you make it personal and meaningful without being expensive?
There are people who will have expectations no matter what you do and you will never be able to please everyone. This year is a time to say, under your breath, “Take a number”.
Most of all let go any expectations including having a good time, enjoying yourself, tactful relatives, happy children, your ex not fighting about something. Just let all that go and get through it.
Be grateful for any moment of happiness or peace that happens. Notice the small things: the snow out your warm living room window, the sky at any moment you notice it, a smile, a hug you give your child, a beautiful song, the fact you woke up this morning, here. Let gratitude be enough this year.
Reflections:
1. Think about your priorities and write them out.
2. Work out a financial budget for yourself and stick to it.
3. Wake up each morning and look for a small thing in life to be grateful for, and if you like to write: write these things down.
written by Bev van Diepen
guest writer