The stage of letting go can feel so disempowering. It is somewhat removed in time from the actual separation. There has been this energetic upsurge of anger, and the expressing of all those emotions. Then comes this time of realizing that all there is to do is to let go. You realize you feel depressed all over again. Letting go is one of the most difficult things to do in life.
There are a variety of areas in life where you have to let go.
I let go of anger at my ex because it did not serve me to keep angry at him. If he could have been the person I wanted him to be we would still have been together. So there was no point in having expectations of him that he could not meet and be angry all the time. I saw that the anger kept me tied to him and I wanted to be free.
I gave up making him wrong and demanding justice. By forgiving him I let go my right to exact vengeance and let him be free to experience whatever life would teach him.
I released dreams that I had of the life we were going to have and that would no longer take place, and dreams I had for my children that revolved around the life I had thought I would live with them and their Dad. I let go my demands that he be a certain kind of Dad. I let go that I had to conform to his expectations. I let go the insider jokes we had had.
I dropped there was any hope of resolving our issues. There was nothing but what was really happening in that moment which was that we had irreconcilable differences.
By letting go I felt like somehow I was letting down life. I was giving up. What was the purpose of my life anyhow? Had I missed the mark and failed so miserably that all that was left was to give up in despair? What could possibly redeem my life? By letting go was I just being weak and not trying hard enough? Was this a reflection on my lack of character, and just showing what a feeble individual I was?
You know your journey, where you have done all you can, where you have to let go. As long as you hold on to the past you live in the past. For there to be a new future you have to let go. To let go means that something else can arise in the place of what you let go of.
Questions to ponder:
1. How am I doing in handling my emotions regarding grief?
2. What are the areas of letting go that I recognise are occurring in my life right now?
3. How will letting go invite newness into my life?
