..to engage in a new relationship?
Part of rebuilding our life is to engage in various transitional relationships that help us heal.
“Really?” You ask! “Didn’t I just get burned by the last relationship?”
True…however, in order to heal and learn how to break our old patterns of relating, it is essential to exercise our trust muscle and stretch it by creating new relationships.
Although we can begin to heal in isolation and must go through the valley of the shadow alone, the next stage in divorce recovery is to continue with our own self-discovery in a variety of new, healthy relationships.
These relationships can be anything from a new friend of same sex, to a friend of the opposite sex. We can spread our wings and meet new acquaintances in a meet-up or a social setting. We can begin to build trust and become more vulnerable with a coach, mentor or a counselor. Finally, we can risk more, and begin a new romantic relationship.
No matter what type of relationship, it is important to realize that these new relationships may be transitional, and are in the present, without any commitment to the future! They provide opportunities to interact with different kinds of people, and to learn to communicate with different styles. These new relationships are for the purpose of self awareness, healing and growth.
Here are some of the aspects of a growing relationship:
•good communication – using “I” messages
•committed to talking it out – rather than “acting it out”
•take ownership for what YOU are creating in your life
•dedication towards growing and learning about yourself
•commitment to embracing your pain and learning from it
•balance between giving and taking, between being responsible and having FUN
•balance between following tradition and a willingness to try new things
•flexible boundaries instead of walls
•able to do self-care without feeling selfish
•more inner directed than other directed
• live more in the present, than the past or the future
•committed to being YOU, rather than looking for a committed relationship
•invest equally in your physical, emotional, social and spiritual growth
•dedicated to taming your saboteur instead of letting your negative self talk control you
Congratulations!
You are READY to move forward, to break old patterns,
to create and practice growing and healthy relationships!!!
Reflections
1. Who are you intentionally in a growing relationship with?
2. What are some of your fears that would prevent you from opening up and being vulnerable?
3. Are you aware of your old patterns that you do not want to repeat? What are they?
