Love seems to have kissed you goodbye this season. You know,” that” kind of love. Those broken dreams, crushed hopes, best of intentions. All gone by the wayside… Barbara Streisand sings that nothing is wasted. Really? When the relationship is gone and the best you can do is hold in the anger and the tongue, when forgiveness seems an impossible, unobtainable goal, and the bridges are irreparable, where do we find love?
Worse than not being loved by the person who has gone is the self-condemnation you feel when in the depths: the deep valley of the soul. Not loved, not worthy of being loved… Our worst moments chant this litany. Can we love others when we do not love ourselves?
Love is our biggest human need. The absence is painful. Despite the challenges of the Christmas season, look around you for the love you do have in your life, look for ways to express your belief in love, and discover ways to encourage your heart to believe you are deeply loved and cherished. Stop demanding perfection in your own life. Stop judging yourself for all your failures. Try some self-acceptance. Let go of expectations of yourself and other people. Let people just be who they are this season. Don’t let yourself confuse sex for love. Love yourself more. And hang on to hope for a new chapter of love in your life.
Where to find love
Love, like peace, is more than the absence of war. Just look for it. Count the ways you are loved this season and find comfort for the bleak and weary soul. There are family members who love you, friends who care, and your children. Perhaps the list feels minuscule or even empty. There is no such thing as completely unlovable. Where we can grow is in loving and forgiving ourselves and those around us. Forgiveness, the act of letting go, frees us to receive love.
I Corinthians 13 says love is patient and kind; does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
What is the face of unconditional love: the face of God perhaps? How do we as finite human beings ever experience or produce or measure up to such a pure, giving, sacrificial, tender love as the giving up of a beloved son? Not a doormat love in any way. But a love that is all in.
Instead of comparing ourselves to that kind of love can we take in that kind of love for ourselves this season? Be committed to our own growth as humans, loving the people in our lives the way they really need to be loved, not for me but for them?
Remember, love never ends…
Reflections:
- What are the expectations I’ve had that have stopped love?
- Where can I experience more forgiveness in my heart this season?
- How can I express love to the people around me this season in ways that are meaningful to them?
To receive help navigating these emotions contact Sandy today.
Contributing writer: Beverly van Diepen
