The final stage of grief is to accept. There is, of course, no straight trajectory along the course of grief. It is more circuitous than anything. Denial segues into anger, something else happens, and you are back to denial. Letting go slides back into anger, and then into letting go once more, at a deeper level. Getting to acceptance is necessary before getting into another love relationship and therefore it is recommended to keep on the path of grieving until the conclusion.
What does acceptance look like?
Can you just decide to accept your new life and skip over the other parts?
It actually is not possible to bypass any of the phases and get to the end. If you are angry and just decide to accept without letting go the past you layer on determination and strength of will over top of what you need to release. You ignore the stages of grief to your detriment.
None of the grieving process is easy. It takes courage to continue on the path of grief, but there is peace, freedom and a chance for a healthy new life at the end and therefore it is worth doing the work.
I remember feeling very impatient with the process. The back and forth nature of grief felt inefficient and laborious. I told my Mother that I was so done with being sad and mourning my losses. Was there no way to speed this process up? Wisely she told me that freedom lies at the end of the path through grief. Going around, stuffing it down, denying the process leaves us bound to our losses and hampers our ability to respond to life with clarity and presence.
Letting go what was and accepting what is now in your life makes room for the new: the new friendship that can turn into a relationship of substance, the new job opportunity that allows for personal growth and expansion of skills, the move that allows for the experiences of a new community, new chances to explore and connect, and the new ways of being that enrich all your relationships.
In acceptance you leave the past behind and step forward into your life as it is now.
-written by Beverly vanDiepen
Reflections:
1. Where do I see this back and forth process in my life?
2. What areas of my life do I see that I am faced with the choice to accept what is or continue in the grieving process?
3. Can you identify where you have grown along this path of grief, where you see progress, and what sort of future is emerging for you?
