Every marriage goes through different phases and seasons; however, what’s important is to have the wisdom to know whether it’s a phase, a stage, or a series of red flags. You can know when to walk away from a relationship with this knowledge.
When it Comes to Separation, you are in one of two positions, ‘the left’ or ‘the leaver’
If you are ‘the left’, you are probably in denial, shock, and grappling with the why? At this point, no amount of begging, pleading, or sobbing may bring your spouse back. You are the ‘tail that wags the dog.’ Yet, it is also equally as important that in your reaction, you don’t contribute to the confusion and go down the road of no return.
‘The leaver’ is the initiator, the driver of the bus, the one who announces the news and leaves the marriage. If this is you, what you do next is extremely important. When emotions are running high, and there is ANGER, resentment, and harsh words, it is best to use separation as a time out to get clarity. The BIG question should be, what’s next?
Separation can be viewed as a good thing! This is an opportunity to address the concerns in the marriage. Instead of continuing with the status quo, one partner has summed up the courage to say with their actions, ENOUGH, I can’t continue as it were. I need to stop the bus and together we need to address our issues.
The Takeaway
The takeaway for both parties in the relationship is to use this time wisely. It’s like you have come to a crossroads on the marriage road. Before making the turn and automatically proceeding on the bumpy road of divorce, it’s important to STOP! Put the marriage on pause. This is not the time for business as usual and to go about life with your social calendar like everything is the same. This is a pause for a purpose, and there are two roads that emerge.
Initially, this separation phase is interim, and no permanent decisions or actions are made. It is an opportunity for both parties to use this next period of time for personal reflection and to ask the hard questions.
Ask Yourselves
- How did we get here?
- What are our RED flags?
- What are your concerns? (listen deeply)
- What are my concerns?
Whether you are the leaver or the left, do nothing in HASTE! (unless there is abuse – please read Part 2 for more information)
View this time out as an opportunity to get clarity. Reach out to a divorce coach who will help you gain perspective, so you can make a wise decision.
Either road will require a lot of energy and hard work, and both parties are responsible for their actions and reactions.
What you do next will profoundly change your life. View this time as an opportunity to get the clarity needed before you take the next step.
Whether you have pressed the pause button or your partner, your marriage is on hold to address the concerns of you both parties to uncover what is needed to move forward.
Check out the following parts in this series:
Know When to Run – Family Violence
Separation Guidelines – How to Have a Successful Separation
Contact Sandy today for customized coaching for your needs.
