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Time For A Re-Alignment?

I’m NOT a chiropractor, but I do have one…and she is AMAZING!

Why did I seek out a chiropractor in the first place!

Bottom line…I had a huge pain in the butt…seriously!

Initially I asked, “Can I pull a muscle in my butt?”

“Yep!!!”  she said.

adjhandsSo, there I was, vulnerable,  on the table, and at the mercy of a practitioner who would use the magic of her healing hands, to  begin to re-align my body.  How did that happen?  I don’t recall any particular incident that would have caused my body to shoot out excruciating pain and scream  – TAKE NOTICE!

Oh ya….there is this one little thing…divorce!!!

Apparently, it is NOT unusual for our emotional state to take up residence in our body.  It is a way of our body flagging us that there is a problem that needs to be looked after.  Between my massage therapist and chiropractor, I became acutely aware that I actually held an entire rooming house full of hurts and tension in my body.

Thus, the re-aligning process began…

Apparently, my outer body experience coincided with what was going on in my inner life.  I was aware and beginning to adjust to living life as a single again.  However, as I took a close look at me, I needed to accept the fact that I needed to examine my beliefs, and behaviors, so that I wouldn’t repeat old patterns

Re-alignment or “adaptation” is one of the early stages through separation and divorce.  

As a young child it is crucial that our emotional needs are met by our parents.  Often, in our family of origin, we grew accustomed to having our needs met in unhealthy ways, and thus began a pattern of compensating to get our emotional needs met.

As we grew up, and became an adult, we brought our limiting beliefs with us into our love relationships.  Like a old shoe, we were comfortable with that style of relationship, and in search for praise and worth, continued to compensate ourselves, and adjust ourselves to “fit” the relationship.

Now, that the love relationship has ended it is time to examine the deeper issues..

Like my massage therapist says,  “issues in the tissues!”

Allow me to point out some of the adaptive patterns that exist.  Following, are Five Adaptive/Survival behaviors.

“If the shoe fits…”

images-48The Perfectionist
•Expects perfection in others
•Provides rigid limits to others
•Wants to look good
•Strives for perfection
•Hooks defensive response in
•Makes others feel not OK
•Wants to change another
•Never enough

Over Responsible
•Smother-mother
•Gives another a fish
•Giving is self serving
•Hooks adaptive response in others
•Makes others feel not OK
•Controlling
•Caretaker
•Enabler
•Feels selfish, when taking care of self

Rational-Logical
•Rigid
•Unable to access feelings
•Uses facts and interpretations
•Dictator
•Makes others feel not OK
•Uses learned survival strategies
•Concerned with doing it the right way
•Expresses opinions, tries to convince others

Rebel
•Wants own way, rebellion
•Upsets system
•Behavior results in more chaos
•Selfish manipulation
•Hooks criticism in others

Needy and Hurt Child
•Mimics others
•Pretends to have a good time
•Concerned about fitting in
•Follower
•Hooks rescuing in others

Reflections

1. Which Adaptive behavior do you lean towards?
•check off all the statement that may apply to you?

2.  View yourself from the perspective of your close friends,
•take time to reflect upon how they see you, (not your INTENTION)

3. Are you willing to do the hard work to move in the area of GROWTH, and change from your adaptive/safe styles of behavior, to a more healthy authentic behavior?

The next BLOG post will deal with the authentic behavior that corresponds to each of the five Adaptive one.  The goal is GROWTH!!!