Part of moving through loneliness is where we just simply get tired. We get tired of the talking, tired of the running and activities, tired of pushing ourselves every day. And we finally slow down and become more willing to be alone. 
Alone is where we can acknowledge what we feel. Often we stop there, judge ourselves as inadequate and a failure for feeling lonely and then stuff down those feelings and get on the tread mill again. Life goes on, and then there it is again, triggered by other events but attached with deep roots to our past. And we tell ourselves we should be able to figure this all out and not be lonely. But there it is.
Choosing to be alone and be okay feels like it would be a big step to take. But if we can adjust our point of view and allow ourselves times of quiet to be alone we can acknowledge and face the loneliness. We can think about where it has been in our lives. We can connect to all of humanity being lonely at one time or another. We can stop judging ourselves as failures and see ourselves as human, not as someone who can’t get it right.
Being alone then can become a place to explore who we were, who we are, and who we want to be. Loneliness is a state of pain, whereas alone is a place of quiet freedom to be. Alone we get to think deeply, to process our emotions, in fact, heal.
Solitude allows us the space to explore our own creativity. Those with children know how few hours are available where we are truly free to create. But during this process of divorce it is important to give ourselves space just to be and to create in any way that is meaningful for us. I found myself writing a lot of bad poetry, playing my guitar and spending quiet evenings reading.
Being out in nature can be another healing solitude. There we can connect with all creation, gain perspective in reflections of our place on the earth and with all humanity.
Other more active solitary pursuits can be used to bring healing: walking, running, hiking, swimming, etc. These activities and ones that have meaning for you can bring you to a state of peace in being alone. You aren’t just lonely; you cultivate inner connection in healthy ways.
We need courage and trust that this is the healing path for us.
Reflections:
1. What are your judgments about yourself about feeling lonely?
2. When you give yourself permission to be alone how do you feel?
3. What activities can you see yourself doing to cultivate a healthy sense of being alone but not lonely?
written by Bev van Diepenguest writer
