If you recently have ended a love relationship you’re probably in a bit of a daze. You may find your self saying, “‘I can’t believe this is happening to me.” If you feel like you’re in a smog, or driving through a thick fog, keep going!
In our attempt to begin the transition from married to single again, we are usually hit with two of the biggest obstacles right at the get go. It is like we have summed up all the courage within us to begin to break away from the relationship, yet as soon as we take two steps forward we are sucked back again and hit with two biggies: denial and fear.
Unless navigated carefully, denial can cause us to stay stuck and live a superficial existence, merely skimming the surface. This is where we often rehearse the past over and over again in our heads, trying to make some sense out of where we are, and what just happened…“if only…”
Denial can appear like a mirage: first, it may appear like an insurmountable bolder that just fell off the side of the mountain right before our very eyes, and now has completely blocked our passage to moving forward. Denial may also appear as an insignificant blip in the road, that we can merrily hop over, go around and get on to the good stuff. Both of these are extreme, distorted perspectives, and NOT TRUE!
I’m reminded of the old camp time children’s poem called, I’m Going On A Lion Hunt”…but I’m not scared…you can’t go over it, you can’t go around it, you gotta go through it. With separation and divorce, there is no fast pass people, this is NOT a Disney ride. The only way to the other side is going through it. Trust the process!
The reality is, you are here. Whether you asked for this, or is was thrown at you…X marks the spot! No amount of wishing or hoping or praying or thinking will change where you are. You are here, and this is your reality. It will take some time to move beyond denial. However, this is good time to rather what you need for the journey ahead…
”the road is long, with many a winding turn…”
What do you need to begin the trek?
In the next blog post will address some of the resources available and what is all needed for the road ahead. Get prepared! Start your list…