If the first ingredient in the “love potion” is AWARENESS or truly seeing the other person, the second ingredient is, to EXPOSE yourself (to yourself)! When we stand in front of the mirror, we no longer ask, “who is the fairest of them all,” but, we are asking for a reflection back as to our true motives. We must use self-reflection to find love after divorce and separation.
This is part 3 of a 4 part series on love after separation and divorce. If you missed the first 2 parts, check out Finding Love After Divorce, and Loveā¦a Burning Ring of Fire?
No one else will ever know your motive for anything, other than yourself. We can judge others by their actions, but will NEVER know their true motives. If we want to know, we must ask them, then accept them at their word. The same holds for ourselves. No one will ever know our true motives, so we must bravely and courageously ask ourselves…
Why do I want to be with that person?
Why do I “love” that person?
This portion of the love potion can be hard to swallow, it takes a lot of courage to look within. This is called the self-examine.
When we ask deeper questions such as: what are my motives, needs, and desires, and are willing to wrestle with ourselves until we get clarity, we are beginning to attain a mind and heart that is alert, vigilant, and sensitive. We are aligning up to our true self, and shedding some of the ego.
Self-reflection – Is it about ME or the other person?
In order for it to truly be about the other person, we need the enormous discipline of dropping our desires, prejudices, memories, projections, and selective way of looking at things from our perspective or limiting belief.
“This is a discipline so great that most people would rather plunge headlong into good actions and service than submit to the refining fire of this harshness.”
“The Way to Love,” Anthony De Mello
The love that is birthed from self-reflection, and pure motives can take many forms. It is not self-centered and defensive, but loving and giving, within the healthy boundaries of self-care.
From this place, you will begin to get clarity of perception, a sensitivity that will draw out of you an accurate appropriate response to every situation.
You will be able to be true to yourself, and allow the other person to be true to themselves.
Reflections:
- Are you at a place where you can self-manage your own desires and your own agenda and truly accept the other person, with no agenda?
For the next part in this series, visit Unconditional Love.
For one-on-one guidance on the self-reflection process, contact Sandy to book an appointment with a Certified Divorce Coach today!
