Separation and divorce can be one of the most challenging times of your life. My divorce story was no different. While it wasn’t easy, I successfully moved through the 3 phases of divorce recovery Resolve, Reclaim, and Rebuild. These recovery phases serve as the stepping-stones of acceptance and self-discovery, providing a foundation for creating a new life after divorce. It’s incredible that despite the heartbreak and challenges of divorce, you can come out the other side more resilient, stronger, and a better person.
My divorce story began as I was wrestling with the ache in my heart that something needed to change in my marriage. I took action. As with many others starting their divorce journey, I did not know how to broach the elephant in the room. Except, the elephant wasn’t in a single room but had grown to enormous proportions and had taken over the kitchen, family room, and overcrowded the bedroom too.
This inner turmoil was tearing me apart. How did I get here? What actually happened? What do I do now? Where do I begin? How will this affect my children? In my desperation for change in my marriage, I summoned all the courage I could find to write a letter asking for a time out, an interim separation. To my shock and horror, this initial cry for help served as the catalyst and like a vortex, sucked me into a whirlwind of experiences that ultimately led to my divorce.
Moving through the phases of Separation
The eye of the storm was the greatest during the initial phase that I call Resolve. During this time, everything felt dark and hopeless and I was shaken to the very core of who I was, including what I believed and stood for. All my hopes and dreams were shattered. I felt broken and ruined, with nothing left. My reality hit me in the face like a sledgehammer. At this time, I reached out for help and began to unpackage my grief and loss, surrendering to the process of letting go. The dissolution of my long-term marriage became the change agent for me on my personal inward journey.
Through this process, I haven’t been able to gather all the pieces up and glue this vessel back together again like new, but I have begun to create a mosaic of me. This second phase I call Reclaim. This season is more than getting your mojo back. It is about self-discovery and self-acceptance. Each new piece represents a part of my story, who I have come to be, my beliefs, values, and needs. It compares to going through the wreckage and salvaging pieces of yourself you want to keep and need on the journey ahead.
I am still in this final Rebuilding phase. Empowered, I am now on a mission to live a life of passion and purpose. I have renewed hope built on and a solid foundation, understanding and accepting who I am. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Embracing my strengths, accepting my weaknesses, and overcoming my obstacles and fears, I forge ahead with courage. To me, rebuilding is the journey ahead, able to be content with the discontent around me; realizing life is about growth and change. Being true to myself, I move ahead one step at a time, designing a new life, a new normal.
Coaching with experience
I leave you with this brief synopsis of my divorce story, not to glibly say, ”been there, done that, and got the T-Shirt.” Yet, I have been there and since have been able to come alongside others on this painful journey. Letting go of unfulfilled hopes and dreams, acknowledging and accepting oneself, moving forward with a renewed hope for tomorrow, empowered to co-create the ending to your life story.
Truly, a Revolutionizing Divorce!
One of the many things I learned about separation and divorce is the benefit of help from others, ideally a trained professional. For assistance through your own divorce story, contact Sandy today. For more advice on separation and divorce, be sure to visit the blog.
